Handle Anger for Unity

Date: July 18, 2010 Scripture: Ephesians 4:26-27

Series: The Gospel for Relationships

Proposition: Handle your anger in a godly manner.

Title: Handle Anger for Unity

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Intro: Have you gotten angry recently? Probably. To be human is to be angry. Anger is an extreme displeasure or hostility. If you are angry today that is a tough place to be in. Anger can be satisfying for a while, but then it gets old and fatiguing.

And it challenges our relationships. In this series on the Gospel for Relationships we are looking at God’s instruction and provision for us to live in reconciliation. Unresolved anger is a major factor in that. You may be steaming a bit inside this morning – over something that happened this morning, or that happened years ago.

Transition: What do the Scriptures tell us? Ephesians 4:26-27

Main Points:

I. Be angry and do not sin.

1. It is possible to be angry and not sin.

1. Did Jesus get angry?

Yes And there is the overturning of the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons, and driving them from the temple court. That energy was fueled by his anger at what was done to His Father’s house.

Mark 3

When the Pharisees objected to Jesus healing a man with a withered hand on the Sabbath, we read this about Jesus:

And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart…

Mark 10

And they were bringing children to him, that he might touch them; and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it he was indignant…

Because Jesus was sinless, yet he got angry, it is possible to be angry and not sin. Not all anger is sinful. If you have a sense that all anger is wrong, so you try to avoid it at all costs, then you are going beyond what the Scriptures teach. Anger is part of normal humanity.

2. When is anger righteous?

Psalm 7:11 God is a just judge, and God is angry with the wicked every day.

What kind of God is this who gets angry?

God is a just judge. If we think God wouldn’t get angry, then he wouldn’t be a just God.

The cross itself is related to anger, for by the cross God’s anger against sin was satisfied. And the fact that he sent his son to take his anger and judgment in the place of sinners shows that he is also a God of love. It says anger can be resolved at the cross. This is the Gospel for anger in relationships.

We have a term called righteous anger, or righteous indignation, and that is anger because you see an injustice, including an injustice to you. When something that is rightfully yours is taken from you, for example.

B. We know from this text that one can be angry and sin, as well.

Three things make anger sinful

1. One is that it is simply a selfish anger. I didn’t get my way, I didn’t get what I wanted. Life didn’t cooperate. People don’t do what I want them to do.
2. We can express our anger the wrong way – by being destructive physically or verbally.
3. Anger is sinful if we hold onto it and nurture it. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.

II. Are you angry?

You might be very aware of your anger, and say: “You bet I’m angry!”

Or maybe you’re not so aware of it – Here’s a list of symptoms of anger – ways in which anger shows itself.

Irritable	Impatient
Frequently frustrated	Frequently annoyed
Excessive quarreling or arguing	Overly aggressive & antagonistic
Sarcasm, and its companion, eye rolling.	Excessively competitive
Bullying of others	Chronic violation of rules at work
Rude	Lies
Callous	Hostile
Overly critical	Tries to ruin someone’s reputation
Quits jobs regularly	Negative
Severe	Verbally abusive
Stealing and forgery	Arrest record
Violent acts against people, property, or oneself	Threats of violence
Repeated drunkenness	Excessive recklessness
Fire setting	Disregard for others safety

We have many ways for our anger to show itself.

III. Once you have determined you are angry – then comes the next step – at what are you angry? Or more likely, with whom are you angry?

There some common figures with whom we can be angry -

• Authority figures from the past and present
• Teachers, police, boss, pastor
• Parents
• Spouse
• children
• Peers (past and present)
• Someone who is dead – any of the above who hurt you, or someone who died because he didn’t take care of himself.
• Yourself
• God

IV. What are you to do with your anger?

“Don’t let the sun go down on your anger”

Don’t procrastinate resolving it. Get rid of grudges daily.

Overlook what you need to overlook

Gently confront what you have to confront,

forgive what you have to forgive,

apologize for what you need to apologize for,

(adapted from Ron Hutchcraft “A Word with You Today)

Submit to God.

But deal with that anger.

Sometimes it can be done quickly, and you just move on.

Sometimes it is a process, and you will need to accept a loss and grieve, and you will need to remind yourself – you let that anger go, and you still choose to let it go, and choose not to dwell on it, or talk about it anymore.

This is part of the new human being of vs 24, to make positive decisions about our anger.

The old human being of vs 22 holds on to anger. And then anger holds on to us.

V. Nor give place to the devil

Long-term anger is a wedge the devil can use to get to you individually, and into groups as well. This is a powerful motive to handle anger in a godly manner – You don’t want to give place to the devil.

1. He uses anger to depress and discourage

If you are depressed today, if you are feeling blue and rather hopeless, the first thing to look at is long-term unresolved anger. It’s not the only cause, as grief over losses and sickness can cause it as well, but you always ought to consider it.

There is a instructive story from a book called “Happiness is a Choice”

A college student went to a counselor reporting that he was depressed, and had been so for about six months. The counselor asked if there was anything that happened about six months ago that made him angry. He quickly answered “no,’ but then as he thought for a bit his face began to get red, and his clenched fists had white knuckles. Then he said: Yes, there was something. My college instructor accused him of cheating on a test, and did so in front of the class. He said he had not cheated, but he was deeply humiliated. And angry.

The counselor asked if was ready to forgive the instructor.

No!, he said forcefully. Never! She doesn’t deserve it.

The counselor gently chided him: You are really hurting her, aren’t you? She likely doesn’t give it any thought.

It took some more discussion and pointing out that unresolved anger is the chief cause of depression, for the student to realize he was hurting only himself

He decided to let go of his anger and forgive her, and in about two weeks his depression lifted.

Nor give place to the devil.

B. The Devil uses anger to divide

Could it be that you have let a fire smolder in some relationship in your life? You’ve tried to ignore it, but it smolders and sometimes breaks out in a fire. Maybe it’s broken into a flame and you have a blaze on your hands that you cannot control.

Maybe there is a strained relationship in your life right now, between you and your spouse, or you and a child, you and a co-worker, you and a brother or sister in Christ. Don’t wait another day to do something about the fire of anger.

The devil is ready to run to the fire of anger and pour on the gasoline, because he loves division.

(adapted from Ron Hutchcraft “A Word With You Today”)

Nor give place to the devil.

It’s time in some way to let go of that anger.

VI. So what’s the key to handling our anger in a godly manner?

1. Learn from Jesus teaching – where possible you need to speak out your anger. It’s been said you will either speak it out or act it out. Usually acting it out is destructive. Speaking it out can be. But think of what Jesus said: If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.

One of the best things you can do to resolve anger is to speak it out in a controlled and considerate way. Whether or not the person hears you, you are helped by that.

Use the sandwich approach – the two pieces of bread are affirmations and expressions of caring.

The meat is the issue at hand. You begin with a slice of bread – an expression of appreciation.

You put on the mat – the issue t hand.

And you finish with a piece of bread – an expression of love.

B. Learn from Jesus on the cross – I Peter 2:21-23

How did Jesus not revile (verbally abuse)?

How did he not respond to suffering thrust upon him with threats?

“But committed himself to Him who judges righteously.”

You and I must be convinced that God judges righteously.

The most literal translation says:

committing himself to Him who is judging righteously,

It tells us that God is judging righteously, even now in your life.

We need to leave things in God’s hands.

Application: Are you ready to let go of anger in some relationship?

This could be a great day of freedom for you. Pray about it. Commit your circumstances into God’s hands. Release that anger and be quiet before God.

Conclusion:

Handle your anger in a godly manner, following after Jesus Christ. It’s needed if we will live in the reconciliation to which we are called.

http://ccbacsmallgroups.wordpress.com/2010/07/21/handle-anger-for-unity/